 |
| The joy of His salvation exceeds all, and I've come to trust that |
A small child in search of something greater, something that this life couldn't give, is a picture of me when I came to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. At the young age of five I understood the importance of having Christ as Lord and Savior of my life. However, after a car accident two months before my sixteenth birthday I lost a lot of memories from my childhood; so, there may be a few gaps in my faith story.
After my accident I became very angry with God. I was going to be the only sixteen year-old that wouldn't be able to drive on their sixteenth birthday, or for a few years after. I was bitter and physically I hurt. I didn't want to turn to Christ because I didn't think He really understood. (After all, they didn't have cars when he was around.) So, instead I turned to myself. Turning to myself only got me down a road of depression, an eating disorder, and suicidal thoughts. I struggled daily to find the will to live and self-worth. After months of struggling I decided that I was not going to see a doctor anymore because I couldn't face the negative news that followed each appointment. I decided I needed to find, once again, something that this life couldn't offer me. So, I set out to find a deeper meaning of Christ and His grace.
After many months of searching and searching I came to fully rest in the wonderful love and mercy of God. Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to me and I will show you great and unsearchable things you do not know" became a daily basis of hope. He showed me daily what it was to live out the life He had called me to so many years ago. It was a painful process of daily surrendering my hurts and fears to Him. It was a great time of learning and of trials; but through it all He was there. My whole life changed. I found new reasons to do the church activities I had always been forced to do, I found new reasons to be joyful, even in the midst of trial. Through it all Christ provided me with promises to lean on, But, through it all he provided me tremendous opportunities to share my story of hope to those who had lost hope to show them He is faithful. I learned that when I did reach out to Him, and to others for Him, he was faithful to show me and teach me of things yet to be grasped.
But, as they all say all good things must come to and end. And, it did. I decided that I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Selfishness. For a couple of years I did most anything I wanted to. I wanted to have fun, but I knew the limitations "Do not be drunk with wine", "Thou shall not commit adultery" and the like. I'm glad to say that I did not travel too far down the road of fulfilling my selfish desires. Regretfully, I can no longer say that I've never tasted alcohol; however, I have never been drunk. But, praise Jesus I can still say that I'm saving myself for my future husband. I never wandered too far, but far enough that my soul hurt and cried for the peace that can only come when you are in the center of God's will. But, my pride and selfishness led me to stay where I wanted to be and to do what I wanted to do.
However, I began pleading for God to deliver me from the sin that was gripping my life. I had known the whole time I was on my selfish exploration of the world that Christ was calling me to mission work. But, I did not want to do that because that was not going to provide me with the Lexus or Mercedes that I wanted. God answers prayer. On November 5, 2002 I felt the call of God like I'd never felt it before and finally surrendered my life to full time Missions. And, for the first time in two years I felt the peace that God grants you when you are in the center of His will. My soul was at rest for He had delivered me.
As of now, I just finished a semi-stressful process of transferring to a different school in search of following God's call. In the Spring I'll be attending Dallas Baptist University in Dallas, Texas. He is leading me to the wilderness; I know no one, and I do not know why he has called me to DBU. But, through my daily time with Him he is teaching me to trust in Him and to trust that he has a bigger purpose in mind. He never said that following his call was going to be a comfortable experience; He just asked me to obey and "Be still and know that he is God (Ps. 46:10a) What a joy and privilege it has been blindly following Christ wherever He leads me trusting that "He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion. (Ph. 1:6)" The joy that comes from knowing He's got everything worked out is a joy that can't be found in anything else that life has to offer. The joy of His salvation exceeds all, and I've come to trust that "His grace is sufficient" (2 Cor. 12:9).
